Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems— at work, in personal relationships, and in the overall quality of life.
But do you know that we are rarely ever angry for the reasons we think we are.
- We are often angry when we don’t get what we need.
- We get angry easily when we are stressed, tired or unwell.
- We often become angry when we see a trait in others we can’t stand in ourselves.
- Sometimes we get angry because we were hurt as a child.
- We get angry when a current event brings up an old unresolved situation from the past.
- We get angry when our ego is hurt.
- We get angry when others are taking undue advantage from us.
Common thinking patterns that trigger and fuel anger include:—
- Overgeneralizing. For example, “You always interrupt me”. “You NEVER consider my needs”. “EVERYONE disrespects me”. “I NEVER get the credit | to deserve.”
- Thinking as if you are always right.
- Mind reading and jumping to conclusions that others are against you.
- Looking for things to get upset about, usually while overlooking anything positive. Letting these small irritations build up and explode, often over something relatively minor.
- Blaming-When anything bad happens or something goes wrong, it’s always someone else’s fault. You blame others for the things that happen to you rather than taking responsibility for your own deed.
Common expressions of anger:
- Uncontrolled explosive outbursts.
- Temper tantrums.
- Violence towards self and others.
- Threatening or bullying others.
- Introverted anger may lead to depression and anxiety.
- Prolonged and suppressed anger may also lead to alcohol/substance /drug dependence.
When anger gets out of control and turns destructive-
- It can lead to problems at school and home
- In your personal relationships and in the overall quality of your life
- It can make you feel as though you’re at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion.
- It affects your health or your relationships or both
- makes you more susceptible to heart disease, diabetes, high cholesterol levels, a weakened immune system, insomnia, and high blood pressure.
How to manage anger:
There is a fine line between anger and aggression. One can follow the ‘ABC’ strategy for managing anger:
Awareness
- What causes you to become angry?
- In what situation do you get angry?
- How do you react or respond?
Balance
- There is a fine line between using your anger as a creative force or destructive force.
- Acknowledging anger and venting it before it gets out of control.
Control and Channelize
- Find healthy ways to relieve anger rather than trying to suppress your anger.
- The goal is to express it in constructive ways.
- When you feel angry, detach & allow yourself to calm down.
- Exercise, te2m sports, even simply hitting 2 punch hod or a pillow can help relieve tension and anger.
- You can use art or writing to creatively express your anger.
- Write on paper expressing your anger & then tear it into pieces
- Help others in their work to divert your attention.
- Start deep breathing when angry.
- Do reverse counting from 10 to 1 before expressing your anger.
- When angry, criticize the behavior, not the person.
- Visualize how you look when you are angry.
- Talk to the person who is responsible for your anger when both of you are calm down.
- Develop the good listening skill, it will help you to come out of conflict.
- Accept others’ points of view graciously.
- Learn to compromise.
- Defer your reaction to anger — “I will keep quiet now and talk about it later.”
- Introspect — “Was | responsible for the conflict?” If yes, try to improve
Be careful if
- You obsessively play violent video games, watch violent movies or visit websites that promote or glorify violence
- You fantasize about acts of violence you would like to commit
- You are violent or cruel to pets or other animals.
- you feel constantly frustrated and angry no matter what you try.
- Your temper causes problems at home, school or in any of your relationships.
- You avoid new events and people because you feel like you can’t control your temper.
Remind yourself that aggression won’t fix anything and might only make it worse.
